Hanging out and people changes

Somehow I fell off the relationship train. Sure I've had friends, but how close? But most of the real desert is with romantic relationships. Looking back in school I know what I was doing. I was reading--a LOT. Had this notion that someday I might be a writer, so you need to read bunches but also just loved to read, which was a way to escape.

It's also a way to miss out on all that early dating know-how others take for granted.

And all that sounds good! Very rational. But full reality was I was scared out of my mind. That feels so shameful to admit, so I should admit it--overwhelming dating anxiety.

If I could talk to my childhood self, would I have any advice? Nope. Was doing the right thing given the circumstances as was brought up by puritanical parents in a fundamentalist Christian religion. They were more interested in me knowing the Bible from cover to cover. There was no support for dating there. There was a lot of FEAR though. So no, didn't program myself to have terror in the dating arena.

Having parents not the slightest bit interested in you actually dating puts a person in a small percentile, where you decide. And I chose books.

But it turns out that hanging out is a skillset as well. And I mastered that one. Spent lots of times in nightclubs until moved on to bars. And feel quite comfortable with many things where others struggle, up until there is the actual RELATIONSHIP where I'm completely at a loss.

Getting older though changes things and maybe that's what I wish someone would have told my younger self! The casual hookup disappears for some reason. The begging from your comrades to please hang out with them disappears. And then it dawns on you one fateful day that you are now begging for someone to spend time with you! And there is no one.

Desert.

Know so many people especially now with social media where you can connect with SO many people but who to trust who will be there to physically show up to hang out with you?

Lots of people in your social media circles but with how many can you just say, hey, let's go get a movie? Or try out this new restaurant? Or just hang out for a bit?

So that's part of the point of doing that relationship thing? Why maybe you should go through the pain of learning to actually date so that when you're over 40 and can no longer quite act like a twenty-year old you'll still have someone to hang out with you?

Why didn't anyone tell me this sooner?

Probably did. Actually I'm sure society fills you with such messages for its own needs, which does not make them wrong. But it does not make being single into you adulthood necessarily a horror either.

There are lots of things you can do alone. And I've heard there are more and more establishments which respect that as well. Haven't heard it discussed much recently but have read about it before so feel safe with that anyone.

So even if by yourself, going out can be so much fun.

You get to pick the movie. You pick the restaurant. Hmmm...and maybe make it that much harder later when these things are more democratic? Nah. We humans adjust well.

Have a great "full weekend", for those having one. With your full plate of friends, that special someone, or by yourself. Make it yours.


James Harris